It turns out that my best friend is Alan's cousin. Of course the blood lines are so diluted by this point, but it's hilarious to me that my father-in-law is the descendent of her great grandmother to the sixth power.
This reminds me of Top Chef when Antonia and Mike discovered they were cousins, except unlike those two Alan and Heather have always gotten along. In fact, I met Heather at Alan's fraternity ... maybe even before I met Alan. At first she gave me the stink eye because I was the young new upstart, but we quickly worked it out.
Rumor has it that William Shakespeare might be somewhere along that family tree as well.
Thankfully I don't have any family (that we've discovered) that hails from Kentucky, North Carolina or Virginia to worry about intersecting with Alan's. Even though, like I said, the bloodlines are so diluted by this point, I don't relish the thought of us being kissing cousins.
I also learned that I have family from Detroit, which I think I once heard but didn't really know. I'm not surprised. I seem to have an affinity for down-and-out cities that have a true blue collar vibe - Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Oakland ... and now Detroit.
Oh, and my great, great, great grandfather Michael, upon becoming old and frail, "walked into the woods to die." That's some Thoreau shit right there.