Sunday, July 31, 2011

Wit's End

It's 3:20 a.m. My heart has been racing since around 10:30 p.m. I have nothing to attribute this to. I am not stressed. My current biggest source of anxiety stems from the fact that I have frequent & sustained heart palpitations that force me not to be able to sleep and no one but me seems to think this is a problem.

Tonight I have tried:
Taking a hot bath
Taking a double dose of insomnia meds
Breathing exercises
Classical music
New age relaxation/spa music (this stuff sucks, btw)

Nothing has worked. The only thing I haven't done is cry. That seems futile. Unless it'll reduce my heartbeat and settle my mind it doesn't seem worth the energy. I feel beaten.

I think it's time I do seek out a therapist if for nothing else than I can honestly say I've tried everything.

If a genie was to appear before me and grant me one wish I'd ignore my lifelong dream of living in Europe, or my desire to be tall & thin. At this point I'd just wish for perfect health. Because this whole Graves + GERD + PVC + anxiety thing I've got going on is taking its toll on me.

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